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School Bullying - "Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But..."

Posted on Thu, Jan 13, 2011 @ 08:52 AM
  
  
  
  
Add to delicious  delicious  
  

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But..."
Danielle Mele, Clinical Coordinator, Assessment Program, Dominion Education Center

A few decades ago many people believed that bullying was a relatively harmless and even helpful experience.  The notion that bullying would help kids to toughen up and learn to defend themselves is one that is still prevalent in the United States today.  However, research and numerous tragedies have shown that bullying has devastating, often irreversible consequences.

Bullying is different than other types of aggression because it occurs repeatedly over time and an imbalance of power is present.  The imbalance of power can be physical or social.  For example, a student who bullies another may be physically stronger or they may be more socially powerful (i.e. more popular) than their victim.  This imbalance makes it nearly impossible for the victim to protect him or herself from the bully’s often relentless assaults.  Asking a student to defend him or herself or to “work things out” with a bully is the same as asking a child to defend him or herself or to “work things out” with an abusive parent. 

The reality is that the bully has more power than the victim, so the victim is unable to successfully stave off the bully’s attacks.  The classic tale of the victim triumphing over the bully in films such as “A Christmas Stor” and “Revenge of the Nerds” is relatively inaccurate.  In general, when victims attempt to stand up to bullies, they are unsuccessful and their failed attempt(s) often intensifies rather than diminishes the bullying.  As always, there are exceptions, but suggesting that a student attack back or solve the problem independently is far riskier than other solutions.   

Students who bully use a variety of physical and social tactics to hurt their victims.  Bullying behavior includes hitting, kicking, pushing, name calling, rumor spreading, impersonating someone online, exclusion, and sending mean text messages or pictures of people to others.  Cyberbullying which involves text messages, Instant Messenger, e-mail, chat rooms (bash board), websites such as Facebook, and online voting polls is becoming very common. In one study, 40% of students reported that they had been bullied online. 

CelebritiJustin Bieberes have started to speak out against bullying as the result of recent, tragic events.  One of the most notable faces associated with this movement is Justin Bieber.  In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, Justin spoke about his experiences with bullying.  Justin also recorded a PSA encouraging kids who witness bullying to intervene. 

Empowering bystanders to help students who are bullied is one of the best ways to stop the cycle of victimization.  When no one helps victims, bullies believe that everyone supports what they are doing even though that is not the case.   Those who witness bullying can help by getting an adult or by comforting the victim after the bully leaves.   Students should never put themselves in harm’s way to intervene!    

Numerous recent tragedies have put bullying in the limelight, and it seems that public opinion about bullying is starting to change.  School bullying is something that hurts all students, even those who only witness others being bullied.  Hopefully the resolve to effectively prevent and intervene in bullying situations will not fade as the media spotlight inevitably dims.

                                 Demi Lovato     Colin Ferrell                  

 Demi Lovato, and Colin Ferrell are other celebrities who have spoken out about the negative consequences of bullying.

Speaking out against School Bullying: fox43tv.com

Click Here some great books on bullying.

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Comments

Too many times parents will attribute a change in their students behavior as something they will grow out of. This is something that they should be concerned about as much as drugs, gangs and alcohol affecting their students in school.
Posted @ Thursday, January 13, 2011 9:36 AM by seriousmp
Seriousmp you are absolutely right! Parents should be just as concerned about bullying because being involved as a bully, victim, or even a witness negatively impacts students. Kids who bully others have a higher risk of experiencing social and legal problems as adults. Kids who are bullied often suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Also, kids who frequently observe bullying feel unsafe in school and don't do as well academically as kids who witness bullying infrequently. It is a serious issue that is hurting ALL American children! Thanks for your comment.
Posted @ Thursday, January 13, 2011 9:50 AM by General User
Yesterday morning I received a question about bullying and the law. When a child you care about is bullied it can be a distressing and confusing situation because it is not clear what you can do to help them. The school’s role or obligation to act may also be unclear. Most states have laws about bullying, which often include what schools need to do to prevent or intervene in bullying. If you are interested in learning about these laws go to http://www.olweus.org/public/bullying_laws.page. You will find an interactive map that allows you to click on each state and read about the anti-bullying legislation there.
Posted @ Friday, January 14, 2011 11:22 AM by Danielle
You bring up several important concepts Danielle. I think the notion of bystander apathy should be examined more closely. Perhaps if our society focused more on those that enable bullies we could have a more productive front against them. I can remember feeling embarassed as a middle schooler to confront the bully, or take a stand against him or her. If students are empowered starting in kindergarten about the responsability they have to prevent bullying, perhaps the stigma would be againt those that don't interfere with bullying behvaior. I also think the behavior modification involved for the bully here would be really interesting. When they do not get attention, and support for their behavior it will diminish over time. This should also start at home. More parents should talk to their children about their role in preventing bullying, not simply what to do if they are bullyied. Great topic. Thanks for your thoughts Danielle on this important subject.
Posted @ Tuesday, January 18, 2011 11:50 AM by LT
Thanks for sharing your thoughts LT. Bystander apathy or the Bystander Effect is a serious issue that plays a role in bullying and other helping situations. People are less likely to help when there is a crowd around because they believe someone else will help. In addition, they may believe that they can’t help. One classic example of the Bystander Effect can be found in the story of Kitty Genovese who was killed near an apartment building in NYC. At least one dozen witnesses noticed that she was being attacked but no one called the police for over 30 minutes! The sooner we can empower our children to intervene when others need help in bullying situations or otherwise, the better because all of society stands to benefit.
Posted @ Tuesday, January 18, 2011 1:05 PM by Danielle
Do you have some advice on ways to "empower" our kids. I know their is often so much going on in their young lives during school age years and having the inner strength to be empowered is not always an option. I do however believe in role playing with your kids to give them the words to use in a situation that is potentially threatening.
Posted @ Wednesday, January 19, 2011 10:34 AM by LT
One of the best ways to empower kids is by helping them to recognize when others need help. The other key component is talking about what they can do to help in various situations. For example, if they see a student being bullied they can get a teacher or another adult. They could also comfort or befriend the victim after the attack has ended. Fostering preparedness in our children will increase the chances that they will intervene in helping situations.
Posted @ Thursday, January 20, 2011 10:09 AM by Danielle
I would recommend the excellent book, "Bullying & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield" by Suellen Fried and Paula Fried.
Posted @ Tuesday, February 08, 2011 6:58 AM by Jeff
I am a professional developer in the suburban Philadelphia region and recently facilitated a workshop for teachers and principals about the three roles of student bullying (victim, bystander, and bully). The discussions were intensely-rich, and what we found most intriguing through the workshop was the home-school connection regarding these student roles. I think these are discussions that must continually emerge in school systems that deter the cycle and envelop a community understanding, and encourage school leaders to insist this kind of workshop should be part of an effective staff development plan to help students become successful and happy members of their community.
Posted @ Monday, February 28, 2011 11:57 AM by Maria
Maria, you are right! The only way to effectively intervene with bullying is by changing the cultures of schools and communities. Such work can be difficult and requires a great deal of time and collaboration, but the effort is worth the reward of having safer schools and communities.
Posted @ Monday, February 28, 2011 1:00 PM by Danielle
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